Cofounder and Executive Relationship Coach
When you think of a badass what images do you conjure up? Do you visualize a person who is vulnerable, empathetic, connected with their emotions, and sensitive? Probably not. Your image may include someone who suppresses emotions, definitely doesn't tear up, and who is offended by the thought that they may be weak on any level, especially emotionally. More of a Chuck Norris rather than a Israel Kamakawiwoʻole (Hawaiian singer of "Over the Rainbow"). Sound about right? Here's what Brene Brown, social scientist and researcher, says about badassery:
“There are too many people today who instead of feeling hurt are acting out their hurt; instead of acknowledging pain, they’re inflicting pain on others. Rather than risking feeling disappointed, they’re choosing to live disappointed. Emotional stoicism is not badassery. Blustery posturing is not badassery. Swagger is not badassery. Perfection is about the furthest thing in the world from badassery.”
And one day I decided I didn't want to feel this way anymore. In this terrifyingly clear space I realized that I was giving away my power to anyone who I let take it! Go figure....I was responsible for my feelings and my reactions. How does that sit with your heart right now? Yes, Jami hurt and disappointed me, my girls disrespected and disappointed me, my friends dissed and disappointed me, but it was my choice how I set up my expectations of them, not the other way around. Guess what??? I could choose how I felt AND how I responded. And here are the steps I began to take consistently, and continue to take on a daily basis:
- Identify feelings that are real and, to start with, from the Feeling Wheel 4.0 that Jami and I developed for people like me who don't know where to begin when it comes to feelings with words attached to them. When I was little and I would "overreact" I would hear the words, "Just relax!" This was my cue that my feelings were not valued and that I really should not feel my feelings because keeping the peace was way more important (stop "shoulding on yourself" HERE). Maybe you heard something more like, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about," or "Big boys don't cry." Whatever you heard that stopped your feelings in their tracks was not okay, and it's time to feel your feelings and express them healthfully.
- Choose to engage from empathy in all of your interactions. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes. It's time for you to shift from FEAR to FREEDOM in your life. When you do the hard work and begin to feel worthy, valued and confident it won't really matter what other people think of you because, guess what? They rarely are thinking about you anyway. And to be clear about Empathy--it is not being weak. It is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Not take on their feelings, but feel them from your experience and let them know, "Oh yeah sister, me too."
- Listen with intention. Use your eyes, your ears, your voice and your body to convey that you are engaged, connected and listening to listen and not to respond. It's that simple...and yet it's not easy. The moment I find myself thinking about what my response will be I have dropped out of listening with intention. That may be your first clue. Pay attention, and really listen.
- Practice forgiveness and gratitude at least daily! For a deeper understanding of these things, click HERE. So many people misunderstand forgiveness, as I did. You may be surprised when you discover what forgiveness really means. Oh, and gratitude is self-explanatory--simply find up to 10 things a day that you are thankful for, and write them out. It will change your life!
- And after practicing the things bulleted above, you will love with passion!
Now that you're an Emotional Badass, what are you doing to do about it? Might I suggest introducing yourself to your loved ones because you are not who you used to be! You have rewritten your story, and It. Is. Badass.
Or maybe you'd like to become more of an Emotional Badass? We have several new steps you can take to get there. Check these out, and contact us if you are interested in any of them:
- Purchase our self-guided Emotional Badass Curriculum today for only $99. You will love it!
- Sign-up for our Emotional Badassery 6-week Class that begins in May for only $199.
- Move a step beyond with our Emotional Badassery Video Coaching Series (12 Video Sessions and two personal visits) for only $599.
- Get all of the above plus 3 more sessions (5 coaching sessions all together) to become an amazing badass with our Emotional Badassery Economy Package today for only $1499.
- And go all the way badass and register for our 10-Session Emotional Badassery Coaching Package for only $2750.